why do kids have to be so cruel?

[DayDreamer]

Ever since I was diagnosed with N and C about a year ago it seems everyone is constantly asking questions and making odd comments about my condition. Sure I just shrugged them off at first and politely answered people's questions, but now lately they're getting harder to deal with. Heres a few I get everyday, "you have N?! How cool I would LOVE to have that! Could you like fall asleep more often in class because it's SO funny." And since I love to play soccer people have started saying that they should start coming to my games because the thought of a Narcoleptic falling asleep on the feild really cracks them up. I could go on and on listing countless other comments, but I think all of you get my point. So please I need your advice, should I just keep my mouth shut and keep ignoring the rude comments? I'm in tenth grade and you would think High Schoolers would be more mature, but their comments really do hurt. Please, please post your ideas for me.

All the best,
Daydreamer

[sleepymoon]

Ahh...those comments are pretty mean and pretty unrealistic. They have no idea how hard it is to stay awake sometimes and how hard that can make everything else we do. Homework, for example. Oops, I fell asleep and didn't finish it. Stuff like that can really get you in trouble.

Growing up, I was homeschooled and did not know I had N. I was labeled as a Loser and dimwit because I didn't know how to respond to people a lot of times. This was by my peers as much as it was by my own family. Family comments hurt a LOT more, I think. I knew something was odd about me, but knew I wasn't an "odd" person. I started to hide in my room a lot and come out when everyone else was busy so nobody would bother me. I was very reclusive as a teen, just keeping my dignity to myself and reading lots of books. Books forgive you if you fall asleep because they don't move on without you. Stress made me too tired, so I think that's why I avoided people so much.

In general, I think everyone gets made fun of for something. I wish I'd known back then what was really wrong with me. I got made fun of about everything I did or accidently said. It got so bad I couldn't even ask for help from my parents...I was always afraid I'd embarrass myself if I opened my mouth and revealed how disoriented I often was. I was afraid to want things...they thought I was lazy, and when I asked if I could have a pet, my family laughed at me. I had to fight fog and family to get anything my way. I felt like I was constantly having to prove my existence to them. Now we pretty much don't get along anymore.

Since I work in a high school now and I'm 26 yrs old, I would urge you, as a 10th grader, to look to your family for understanding (which you may or may not get), and not to your peers. Those kids, many of them, are just talking loud to get attention from others. They would say anything about anyone and they don't care about you. Sure, they don't care if they hurt your feelings, but they don't care if you don't take it personally. So don't take it personally. It's just a thing that kids do. If you had some other strange feature, they'd make fun of that too. It's a dumb thing, and it does sting, but it doesn't have to scar you for life. Try to keep good relationships with your parents and siblings because later when you're older, you're going to want your family around you. After high school, all those kids grow up and pretty much disappear from your life. You'll meet new people in college and they'll be less idiotic. Be glad you know what is "wrong" with you, and remember it could happen to anyone. You're probably not the only one in your school with narcolepsy...but you're probably the only one with a diagnosis. I hate that I didn't know...and now that I'm medicated, my whole life is starting to make sense.

High school is tough. I see it every day...some kid making cracks and I'd like to call his or her mother. I don't know why kids don't have more respect for others. If you want to say something back to them, go for it. Something like, "Hey, I don't make fun of your bad joke disorder, do you think you could leave me alone about my sleep? Why don't you pick on your friend with the bad make-up/haircut?" (Don't specify, just let them wonder)

Heh. Then again, I'm all for narcolepsy awareness. Why not write a paper on it w/vivid descriptions of what it's like on a day-to-day basis, including the jerky comments and have your teacher read it to the class? Heh. Rub their noses in it, but educate them.

Good luck to you. I hated being the butt of all jokes as a kid. I'm so glad I was homeschooled and exposed to fewer jerky kids. There is no rest for the weary when people make fun of you like that.

[wibble]

well, most of us know that one... nowadays i am much quicker with a comeback as their comments sound like poor mickey taking and they deserve pitty. heheheh. i think if you can have a sense of humour over it, it ceases to be annoying and you could make some new friends.

[KDelFarno]

Every hear the saying "kill them with kindness"? If you come back with a snide remark... you'll be considered a jerk. If you cry, you'll be considered a loser. If your sense of humor is up to it... maybe mix a little humor with some information. "It sucks that I'm pretty tired all the time, but at least I can sleep through the stupid chick flicks my girlfriend picks out" (or the action movies your boyfriend picks out).
Good luck and take care of yourself first.... worry about others second.

[FastDreamer]

i kno how that is...and people do NOT get any more mature, but REAL FRIENDS may joke with u about having N, but they would not cross the line and try to embarass u or hurt ur feelings. I am 23...i stopped telling people that i have N my freshman year in college because of the response i got, but im not sure that is the answer either. I feel asleep so much in class, it was obvious to my peers that SOMETHING was goingpon..i think they thought i had a drug problem because of they way i would nod off. My close friends all know i have N, and they dont tease me or judge me, which is a beautiful thing. I still do not like to talk about it with new people. It is very hard to open up like that.

[AceEye88]

The biggest way I get made fun of is that people always say I look high or stoned. Yea i have sunken in eyes cuz I have a sleep disorder, and when I try to explain N people automatically assume I have Catoplexy and think its some kind of joke and then don't even believe that I have N because they are so sure that u have to have C with N and think that I just don't get enough sleep at night. I hate when people think they are an expert on something they have only just heard about. You know I have had the disorder diagnosed by professionals for about a year now, I think I know that I do have it. Its like yea, you know your right I don't have it, thats why I go to a sleep doctor once a month and take 600 dollar drugs. Sigh... Sometimes I think I should just be a stoner at least I could just smoke weed and escape all the crap in my life.

[Andromeda1528]

hmmmm, I had Narcolepsy throughout high school and I never really had a problem with people making fun of me, but then again I pretty much kept it to myself and only told my close friends or people who would ask about my naps (as I would take one during lunch in the nurse's office, and sometimes I would have to do it more publicly, like taking a nap in a bus on a school trip, or once on the ground before a tennis match). I have found that most people (including really great, nice people) will be interested and say, oh! i wish i could take naps during the day! when you explain that you have narcolepsy. My advice would be 1) don't tell people about Narcolepsy unless they need to know or ask about it or it comes up--- this would include telling your good friends of course, when it comes up, and if you take naps you're going to need to explain why you're doing that to people. My experience is that only jerks tend to ask why you take naps (with an exception being people you know who see you do it on a regular basis). In middle school, there were a few jerks who would always ask me why I took naps and I avoiding answering them--- I find that most people won't ask, even if they might secretly wonder about it--- but again, I scheduled my life in high school so i either missed part of lunch or had a free period after lunch so i could take a 25 minute nap in the nurse's office without anyone really noticing except my friends. When it comes to people you don't care about--- say, some person you don't know who wants to know why you're napping, etc.-- i'd keep the response short and to the point--- you know, "I have a sleep disorder, and I have to take a nap around noon." end of story- they don't need to know about cataplexy, or that you take two naps or medication or whatever, leave it at that. you can say you have narcolepsy if you want, i wouldn't avoid telling people, but if you want to brush them off, i have a sleep disorder usually works for me when I want people to leave me alone (say, they come to see if i'm ok when i'm trying to take a nap and i say, look i have narcolepsy, i just need to take a nap). When it comes to nice people you know, they will likely be interested in the details, but not in a mean way. However, for people who aren't your friends, like i said, don't bring it up if possible-- throughout my life-- and i've had it since I was 9- i've lived my life as if narcolepsy is just a little thing I deal with (even though it's big-- you know kind of like some people have asthma or diabetes)-- I was never the "narcoleptic" and I would first get into things (say, varsity tennis), and then let my coach know when it came up that i might be a little late to practice every day because i had to take a nap. Regarding mean people, if you don't make a big deal out of it, i don't see how they have much ammunition to throw at you.
I have mild cataplexy, so that was never really an issue for me- it didn't even need to be explained because it's not noticable. If the above doesn't work, and given my limited knowledge of your situation, it might not, the only other thing that might work is to not be defensive about it--- say, when some jerk makes a joke about you falling down in the middle of a game and his friends coming just to see, instead of being defensive and upset (which will only give them the intended effect and make them want to make more jokes about it), you can join in or make a joke back (for example, make a joke about how you're sorry to ruin his fun, but you only have that problem when something's really funny, and so unless one of his friends is (insert comedian), you don't think you'll be much fun to watch around him)-- or (i'm sorry that you have to promise your friends a show to get them to come to your games/ hang out with you)--- or something to that effect. i don't have a lot of experience with that-- but if i were you i'd google dealing with bullies/ mean kids--- some people might have some good advice, and re: your soccer team that sounds like what you're dealing with.
oh, this got so long! sorry. but one last thought, if cataplexy is a huge issue for you, you might look into changing/ adding medications. i don't know what you've tried, but xyrem does miracles for a lot of people in terms of cataplexy. good luck!

[sunflower7]

I'm in tenth grade too! I just found out recently about having narcolepsy and my parents and teachers were all a bit surprised about my choice not to tell the whole class. I was afraid of that happening! People still make a lot of snide comments about me with just being the irresponsible screw up of our class lol I have seven really close friends and I am officially sleepy of the 7 dwarfs lol It is really annoying to deal with all of the jokes people crack but I try to just shrug it off. Eventually some of it will go away because people do get bored of it! For my closer friends I just try to laugh it off even though it still is pretty hurtful! I tend to vent to my closest friends or my parents. If that doesnt work for you, you can vent to me or other people on the board...sometimes i think that helps a lot! I hope things start to get better for you soon!

[ames08]

Like you both I was in high school and had N and C too...except I didn't know thats what it was till I was in college. I was laughed at when I fell alseep over and over again....and then it was great when I shocked them...because of the C....I would be there looking as if I were asleep but could hear everything around me and then the teacher would yell at me and I would be able to get out of C and she would ask me a question to make an example of me in class to show how I wasn't paying attention and I would anwer right most of the time...it was kinda nice...but yea it so sucks to be laughed at while sleeping or "apearing" as if you are sleeping because of C....but I had friends in a lot of my classes so that always helped. Now to your problem of meaness from kids who know about your N....

I would do a TON of reasrch about N ane C if you have them both and learn as much as you can...because I know that people laugh at stuff like N and C because they see it in movies and get a picture of it as a comidy thing. If by doing research you can educate them so they understand what is going on with N and might not laugh but be intreged about it...and you know best in your school. Being in college I have to tell my teachers in case I were to does off and sometimes I tell my class mates but now in college no one cares that much or has ever bothered me about it...when they laugh I just tell them all about how N works and they then have a better understanding and don't laugh when I would to have an episode of sleeping or C.

I know high school sucks and so do the kids in it....they can be so mean and are great at putting you down...just educate them and laugh about too it will get better! at least you found out while you were in high school rather me getting crap sleep till college...good luck!

[OliviaMB717]

Aww That's not very nice... I am in 11th grade and i was diagnosed this last November (Though i have always been sleep even in the womb) And well i never really get made fun of (No one really knows) Except sometimes my friends joke around with me but all in good fun. As they have some of their own weird medical issues (One of my friends has worms lol) But i can understand how bad that must feel. I mean i always got yelled at in gym class for never running after the ball or never catching it but i was always so behind because iw as so sleepy (Thankfulyl i don't have gym class anymore) But If i were you i would just simply tell them to shut up. That works.. Especially if they don't know you and you don't know them. lol. Or just some other comment. I knwo fighting stuff with kindness is theg ood way and will work eventually, but sometimes, it's more fun to be mean too, and works faster No.. But anyway... School can suck sometimes having narcolepsy. But maybe one dya those people will get paralyzed...?

[songamyself]

Yeah, it's kind of like when you tell people you sleep 12-18 hours a day without meds and they tell you you're tired because "you're sleeping too much" or "you drink too much caffeine." I want to punch people like that.

[mary615]

I KNOW! That is so annoying. Or they're like, "oh well I do that too" and try to say you don't have N and I just want to be like " so you're really going to try to tell me what I have after a diagnosis? I am so glad you're a doctor. I had no idea you went to med school." but instead I just say "Oh! well maybe you have N too!" Punching them in the face would feel great though. It's usually the stupid ones who say dumb stuff like that. For the laughing at your expense, just stick up for yourself. Nobody will respect you if you can't respect yourself. I didn't take that crap in HS and I don't take it now. Let them know that it's over-stepping your bounaries and if they still don't get it, let em know what's up. Having N will make you a passive person b/c you start to feel insecure. When you get like that, ppl tend to see that and take advantage of it. Don't let it get to you. They probably don't even know it bothers you. They probably think you don't care or that you're used to it. On another, the best advice that I can give you is STOP letting it get to you. If you don't, you will be VERY unhappy throughout the whole thing. Just stop caring about what other ppl think.

[NaomiA]

DayDreamer a couple of bits of advice.
1. High school sucks - but don't worry it gets so much better when you get out of there and can CHOOSE who you will associate with. It will get better I promise.
2. Sometimes kids say stupid stuff because they are trying to communicate with you but they don't know how. They may actually want to talk about it, or show interest, but they screw it up by doing it the wrong way. Watch out for these kids, they could be your friends if you can open up and tell them they're hurting you.
3. Sometimes kids say stupid stuff because they are assholes. Watch out for these kids and don't turn your back on them. They only need to hurt so much because they are assholes. Who wants an asshole for a self? You got to feel sorry for them really.
4. Finally, good for you for talking about it. And decide for yourself which jokes you can tolerate. Much as the condition is crap, you got to laugh sometimes - and not everyone gets to make narcolepsy jokes about themselves. But you get to choose - remember that!