REM behaviour disorder?

[Grapelola]

Hi Everyone,

I am 8 months into a long distance relationship (NA-Europe, so we only see each other every 2-3 months). I visited my bf last week and after a long road trip and a night out on the town which included a moderate amount of alcohol, we discussed our future plans and fell into bed, both of us exhausted both emotionally and physically.

I was jetlagged on top of everything, but I fell asleep quickly, as the bed in the B&B was very comfortable.

The next thing I knew, I was being choked by my boyfriend! He pulled me across the bed by the neck and proceeded to squeeze my throat and push down on me. He spoke, too, but it was nonsensical. I freaked out, but managed to call his name our a couple of times, and he let go. I was so scared! I jumped off the bed in the dark, and I could just see that he was sitting up in bed like a zombie. I spoke to him, but he didn't respond.

I kept speaking to him, saying that I was going for the lamp beside the bed (on his side of the bed), and then I turned it on. Again, he just continued to sit there. I tried to engage him in conversation, but he wouldn't respond.

I ended up crawling back into bed beside him (but on the edge of the mattress this time), and he lay down and went back to sleep while I just lay there and cried. My throat was aching, and I was terrified!

The next day, it hurt from just under my chin down to my collar bone, and I have since developed light bruising. He says he doesn't remember a thing, and was really upset the next morning when I told him what he had done.

The thing is, the next morning, I was really withdrawn and unsure of our future, as I had never heard of this before and wasn't sure if I could trust him. I guess I hurt him, but I was hurt too, and it was just a mess.

Now that I've done some research about it, I feel quite guilty about my response and emotional withdrawal, but I really was very scared. My boyfriend is a big guy (225 and 6'4" and has a military background), but he's never, ever hurt me before, or when awake. Did I over-react?

In any case, it turns out that past girlfriends have also reported this kind of nocturnal behaviour, but he has never actually laid his hands on anyone to harm them before. So, he has agreed to investigate this further and seek help.

Is there anyone out there who has has a similar experience? Anyone who was equally frightened and confused? I'd love to hear how you handled it.

Thanks

[Sleeping Lizard]

Grapelola,

You have every right to have any feelings you are having. Even though your boyfriend did this in his sleep. You were still attacked when you were most vulnerable, asleep. Even though he did it in his sleep and has no memory of it, you were victimized, and he is responsicible for his actions. It is a good sign that he is willing to go for help. I definitly suggest that he go for a sleep study. To learn more about sleep studies, please go to the following site.

http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleepbasics/viewasleepstudy.htm


To learn more about REM behavior disorders you can go to the international manual of sleep disorder classifications.

http://www.absm.org/PDF/ICSD.pdf


For some basic info on REM behavior disorders, you can check out the following sites. One of the articles I am including is one on Violent Sexual Behavior while asleep. While you did not mention a sexual component, there may be some helpful info in the article.

http://talkaboutsleep.healthology.com/focus_article.asp?f=sleep_disorders&c=parasomnias

http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleepdisorders/parasomnias_violent.htm

http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleepdisorders/parasomnias_intro.htm

I would also do a search on this site, I know that several other people have mentioned this type of disorder. As soon as I can, I will try to find some of those links.

[<Grapelola>]

Thanks Sleeping Lizard...your input is much appreciated.

This situation isn't easy since I live across an ocean from my bf. I hope he gets the help he says he will, but I am not around to make sure he does.

For his own sake, I think he should, even if I have nothing further to do with it.

Thanks again.

[wiggly]

Hello, I joined the boards just a few days ago and began a post about REM Behavior Disorder in the "Other Sleep Disorders" folder. Realize now I should have posted here, but nonetheless, I would very much like to hear others experience. Thanks so much.

[<carrie word>]

My husband also had a similar experience. He had been a sleep walker since childhood. But, ever since he has been able to drink alcohol it has gotten worse. One night he had a few beers and then went directly to bed. I was in the living room watching tv and I heard the sound of running water. I looked into the bedroom and he was urinating all over himself, the bed, the wall, and the floor. I tried to get him to stop and lead him to the bathroom but he just kept pushing me away. Then after he was finished peeing he stood up took off his pants and sat back down on the side of the bed. I leaned over to pick the damp pants off of the floor and he began hitting me mainly on my back and sides since I was leaned over. I fell to the floor screaming for him to stop but it was as if he could hear nothing. he was hitting more in a stabbing manner than a punching. His eyes wide open, but with a distant blank stare upon them. We have a 15 month old daughter and his actions although non-intentional have worried me to the point of considering moving out until he gets medical help. Our problem is that we can not afford to take him to get tested or see a sleep doctor. I knew he was asleep while beating me, but I still felt this sense of mistrust and hurt after it happened. Is that wrong? email me please- cwword@yahoo.com

[sleepinglizard]

There are several things that you can do.

For the long term, one should never be without insurance. Have you looked into being put on State insurance? If you make too much for state insurance, but are still uninsured, you can also pay a small fee and buy into state insurance. I suggest going to your Public Aid department and looking into your options.

For the short term, I have a few suggestions. 1) You have a right to safety and need to do what is appropriate to keep yourself safe. 2) I'd also suggest following the links below and find a sleep center in your area. Then, I would suggest calling them and explain that you believe your husband has REM Behavior disorder. Explain that he becomes violant when he is asleep and that you are afraid. Tell them that you don't have insurance and ask what can be done to get him medical care.

If something isn't worked out so that your husband receives a sleep study or medical care, please let me know, and I will see if I can come up with another angle.


For information on what a sleep study is like you may peruse the following link:
http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleepbasics/viewasleepstudy.htm

Before going to the doctor, I strongly suggest that you look at the following site to determine the nearest accrditied sleep study center. Many of us, me included, did not go to one and then had to repeat the studies several times due to doctors not following proper procedures. The following link IMHO is the best place to get good recomendations of accreditied center.

http://www.aasmnet.org/listing.asp


Here is one more link to the American board of sleep medicine where you can look up all the accredited sleep doctors in your area. http://www.absm.org/Diplomates/listing.htm

Personally, I would suggest choosing a Neurologist or Psychiatrist who is an accredited in sleep doctor associated with an accredited sleep center. That would mean that they not only passed the subject tests, but that their sleep center and its techs all passed a rigerous accrediation process.


If this only happens after he drinks, then I suggest giving him a choice between having his family around and being sober or being able to drink and not having a wife. You have a right to be safe and if he is violent when he drinks, then he shouldn't be drinking. I know that those are harsh statements to make, but your saftey is important.

[ February 16, 2005: Message edited by: Sleeping Lizard ]

[Gayle]

Hi all.
I've had RSBD (REM sleep behavior disorder) since 2000 or at least that's when it was officially diagnosed by polysomnogram and it shows up each time I have had one. Symptoms can vary from patient to patient but for me, I walked and talked my entire life (now 51). My grandmother used to scream in her sleep and "see things" and my mother had what is now known as sleep paralysis (she couldn't come awake and move).
Anyway, RSBD can be treated. Usually, Klonopin (an anti-seizure drug) is used with good results and/or a few other classes of drugs such as the Parkinson's drugs, i.e., those that increase dopamine.

I sleep alone because of violent behavior and my bed is up against the wall so I have less of a chance of falling out of bed (which I've done countless times but can't put my bed on the floor due to physical disability). Someone with RBSD can do complex activities so it's best that car keys, etc. not be readily available. I've tried to go out of the window, talked on the phone in my sleep, become violent and attacked my sister (we share a home)and thrown beloved pets (cats) up against the wall. At times, I scream to wake the dead (usually when I'm dreaming that something is threatening in a dream and that's what I'm doing in the dream) or else I'm angrily shouting (which is also an extension of what's happening in the dream)and thrashing or hitting. I also sit up and "see things" such as spiders, snakes, racoons, you name it, that I could swear are on me or in the room.
I sleep on the first floor and my sister sleeps on the second. We have a baby monitor set up and when I'm really going off, the dog who sleeps upstairs with her starts barking and pitching a fit (she's hearing impaired so the dog gives her a heads up). It's best NOT to approach the person if they are actively acting out.
I also have severe sleep apnea and use a CPAP machine which compounds RSBD and makes it worse. My RSBD is refractive to treatment thus far (at times some meds helped me over a period of about a year or maybe a few months and then stopped working).
BUT, it's important to remember that the person needs help and that there is help out there in the form of a qualified sleep physician and lab testing. Sometimes the RSBD doesn't show up on the sleep test but the history is very important in helping to make the diagnosis. It's absolutely a number ONE priority to get help for your partner and for your understanding of what RSBD is, if that is what they have. You all have my deepest empathy and hope for positive resolutions in your situations.
Gayle

[Guest]

[sleepinglizard]

Hey all,

Montel Willams is doing a segment on sleep disorders they are going to have a person with insomnia addicted to Ambien, a person with REM Behavior Disorder, and a girl of 13 who has Narcolepsy with Cataplexy. Check out the segment on October 20th!


Here's the link to Montel's site

http://www.montelshow.com/show/past_detail_1_13_2004.htm?showID=4990

Be aware there are two different eppisodes that air every day. Make sure that you catch the right one!

[kyethra]

I have something like REM behavior disorder- I guess its part of my narcolepsy or something. Its lack of REM paralysis. But it isn't quite as violent as some of your stories. Anyway I do tend to act out bits from dreams and stuff and I throw things and kick and talk contanstly. Clonopin and the other benzos just won't work for me- I develope a tolerance to them too quickly. Flexeril, a muscle relaxer, helps some. (It also helps with the muscle spasms and some neck pain. I also do this rythmic head turning thing that I suspect relates to the neck soreness.). I've tried other things- ambien, topamax, lyric. Topamax worked great at first, but after about six months- tolerance and only works a bit now for sleep. Lyrica made me lose time. Ambien doesn't seem to do anything. I see a new neurologist soon.

Anyway, the CPAP seems to make mine worse too. So does any restraint. If I wear the CPAP I get apnea symptoms! I never had any before the CPAP. I suspect this is because it makes it harder to sleep and stuff and it wakes me up multiple times in the night. More than half the time when I do wear it I end up disconnecting it or taking it off it in my sleep somehow- a bunch of different ways. If my husband tries to restrain me at all (like if I am thrashing around and making swearing sounds) it only makes me more violent. Latley he has been doing this cuddle thing where he sleeps right up against me- drives me crazy! I wake up with my back in pain and my shoulder all wrenched up. I will wake up a dozen times a night when he does it. I will wake up mid dream and then wonder what is going on or I wake up wanting to move and get more comfy or trying to be in the middle of a movement and finding myself right at the edge of the bed with no room! I explained to him that it is like if he were to quickly turn around and someone was always there blocking his turn- see if that wouldn't soon make his back hurt and annoy him after a while too! He says he got it and wasn't trying to me me miserable, just to help himself sleep better by keeping me from thrashing. THe CPAP also raises my blood pressure. I know its not supposed to. But it does- if I wear it for a few night- the BP goes up. If I don't wear it for a few nights, it goes down. And its not a psychological thing either. I noticed the correclation after the BP went up!. I think again, its because it makes it all harder. Its sort of like restraint. Restraint is something to struggle against- got to get free because the monsters will come back to eat us or whatever is going on in the dream. If it prevents the action we need to do, then its the enemy. Maybe I need to throw a rock- then (and I guess I did this night of sleep study) I have to find a "rock". That night I ended up taking a pillowcase off of a pillow and crumpling it up and throwing it. If instead someone holds down my wrist I am going to get kind of violent with that person- they let me do what needs to be done. So the CPAP is like a person holding my wrist I suspect. Sorry to ramble- right now I am tired!

I am looking for a good long term solution- sometimes a think its a king size bed. I know better. Sometimes I think going to bed drunk would help. I have no idea- I just hope there is is something out there. From brief times when things have worked before I know something good would make a huge difference.

[guest]

kyethra I had a similar experience with cpap, I would wake up from loud snoring, dry throat or unable to breath. I got a different mask and don't have this problem.I think my old mask was slipping a bit in my sleep and the air wasn't able to get thru. My apnea is mild and didn't have noticeable symptoms except with that one mask.